Intimate Affairs: MATURE, SINGLE AND LONELY

By Funke Egbemode

A woman who wants sex, effective sex that delivers on all the errands it was sent, has no business marrying a man with low sex drive. A woman who wants sex 20 times a month should not be in a relationship with a man who thinks women who want sex more than once a week are nymphomaniacs.

Intimate Affairs: MEN JUST LOVE FORBIDDEN FRUITS

By Funke Egbemode

Before King Ahmed Ottoman went to war, he locked his beautiful wife, Queen Ottoman, in a private room and gave the key to his best friend, Mousa, telling him: if I’m not back in four days, open the room and she’s yours. Ottoman got on his horse and went to war. Half an hour later, the king noticed a cloud of dust behind him. It was his friend, galloping fast towards him. “What’s wrong?” The king asked panting. Out of breath, Mousa responded: “You gave me the wrong key.”

Intimate Affairs: MY MUMMY IS GETTING MARRIED

By Funke Egbemode

Lola is 59 and getting married again. She has been single for 27 years and had, with the grace and help of God, raised four children all by herself. She made the announcement at New Year dinner with her children in Canada and all four of them dropped their cutleries. Their eyebrows simultaneously shot up. That was followed by what felt like an hour-long silence. Then, somehow, they all found their voices at the same time.

Intimate Affairs: THE FOOLHARDY HE-GOAT

By Funke Egbemode

A man with the he-goat spirit is a man who does not listen to your advice. It’s not that he does not respect you. It’s just that he respects that thing in-between his legs more. He is not deaf either, he just likes the sonorous voice of his third leg. It is sweet in his ears. And anyway, the vibes he gets from doing things with his partner-in-crime, his third leg, leaves him feeling like a king and conqueror. A very good feeling, I gather.

Intimate Affairs: THE HUSBAND SNATCHER

By Funke Egbemode

‘Whose idea was this whole ‘husband snatcher’ theory? Who started it? I asked my friend. He’s a man, street-wise one too.

Intimate Affairs: THE OTHER ABUSIVE MEN

By Funke Egbemode

When we hear wife or spousal abuse, our minds prop up the image of a woman with eyes swollen shut, broken nose or arm in a sling. However, not all abuse is physical; there is also mental, emotional and financial abuse and the victims suffer as much as the ones whose husbands pound and pummel.

Intimate Affairs: THE PETROL ATTENDANT AND HIS NOZZLE

By Funke Egbemode

This piece was inspired by a story told by the old man of an honourable member while I served briefly at the National Assembly. His choices of words were really what got me thinking. I must confess I was eavesdropping but, trust me, I got the intimate lessons in the intimate gist.

Intimate Affairs: UNWISE SACRIFICES

By Funke Egbemode

Patty was in pain, deep searing pain. She was not supposed to be in this place, end up at this sorry pass. She gave Alhaji her all, the relationship her everything. Relationship? Was what they had even worth calling a relationship because looking back from her balcony of grief, all she could see now was a one-winged flight that eventually crashed spectacularly. The pain wracking her body and soul was made worse by the feeling of foolishness. You know how you feel when you finally realised you’ve been used, had, taken advantage of and you allowed it all happen, with your eyes wide open.

Intimate Affairs: WHAT EXACTLY DO MEN WANT FROM US?

By Funke Egbemode

Why do men think big successful girls are single because all they want is money and independence instead of marriage and commitment? Why do they think being financially independent mean you want to live alone and die lonely? Well, the women also suspect that there is a hidden agenda somewhere. Yeah, can the men swear that they are not the ones annulling our rights and mandates while promising to ‘Insha’ Allah ‘empower’ us. You can’t win against their armoury. It is so difficult to please or understand the way their minds work. But haven’t I warned that there is no point trying to decipher a man’s mind?

Intimate Affairs: WHAT WOMEN WANT

By Funke Egbemode

So there have been protests from certain quarters since last week’s piece titled ‘WHAT EXACTLY DO MEN WANT FROM US?’. How dare you make it look like men are difficult, insatiable, irritable and mean? How about what men want from women or at least those things you women really want instead of being sarcastic? I chuckled at that because men have been pretending that they don’t understand women since Adam willingly took the apple from Eve and voraciously devoured it. They will continue to pretend confused even if you give them one apple per minute. It’s their way and women have made their peace with all that. But me, I’m a good girl, even if I said so myself. That is why I am obediently throwing more light on what women want from their men.

Intimate Affairs: WHEN 'SORRY' MEANS NOTHING

By Funke Egbemode

We called them the ‘happening couple’. Flex (real name was Felix) was a 500 level Medicine student while Tunrayo was a 200 level Law student. Though the two of them were very busy ‘effico’, they spent every free moment together. They went to the bukateria together, walked hand-in-hand to the library and the cinema. They were a reference point especially when we girls wanted to ‘yab’ our NFA male classmates who were in the habit of giving excuses to their girlfriends as to why they couldn’t take them to see a movie at Oduduwa.

Intimate Affairs: WHEN A GOOD WIFE LEAVES WITH HER GOODNESS

By Funke Egbemode

When Debola and Akin got married, Akin was not in a good place financially. He was living from hand to mouth, struggling to pay his rent and generally depending on salary advance to get through the month. He was getting on in years and his parents were permanently on his case to get married. He was reluctant to commit to any serious relationship. How was he expected to feed two mouths when he couldn’t feed himself? How can you tell a new bride not to get pregnant because his tiny room-and-parlour could and would not expand because the occupant was now married? Akin dug in his feet, avoided his parents as long as he could because of the marriage thing.

Investigation Report: WHY PEOPLE FORGET EASILY!

By Celestine Okafor (Editor-in-Chief) @CeleOkaf11

For all ages, people often are affected by severe or partial loss of memory, which experts in clinical psychology and other category of behavioral scientists, have described as Amnesia.

iOS 15.4: Siri gets a new voice

By Chinua Albert Okafor @TheRoboRai

For its Siri voice assistant, iOS 15.4 adds a fifth American voice in the latest beta. Despite the user-facing interface referring to the new voice as "Voice 5," iOS developer Steve Moser points out that this version is called Quinn.

IPAC CONDEMNS ALLEGATION OF $2B BRIBERY BY INEC CHAIRMAN, PROF YAKUBU, FOR SENATE CONFIRMATION

• Says It's A Plot To Frustrate Senate's Screening Of The INEC Boss And Destabilise Electoral Process

By Celestine Okafor (Publisher/Editor-in-Chief)

The Inter-Party Advisory Council (IPAC), has condemned, in very strong terms, the allegation by a popular news Online portal (not Nigerian Newsleader Newspaper Online), that the chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), Prof Mahmoud Yakubu, bribed the Senate President, Senator Ahmed Lawan, with a whopping $2b to ensure positive Senate's screening/confirmation of his presidential nomination for another five year tenure as chairman of INEC.

IPAC CONGRATULATES OBASEKI, EDO PEOPLE

• Commends INEC, Security Agents
• Says Victory, A Good Boost For Democracy

By Desmond Ukandu (Group Politics Editor)

The Inter Party Advisory Council (IPAC) has congratulated the Edo State Governor, Godwin Obaseki and the people of the state on the resounding victory in the last Saturday's gubernatorial election in Edo State.

IPAC CRISIS WORSENS AS FACTIONAL GROUP DISOWNS NZENWA, OTHER EXCO MEMBERS

• Insists Ralph Okey Nwosu, ADC Chairman, Is Authentic IPAC Leader
• They're An Illegal Group, Bunch Of Losers And Wailers, Says Nzenwa's Exco

By Celestine Okafor (Publisher/Editor-in-Chief)

Barely two weeks after the Inter-Party Advisory Council (IPAC) held its election on Thursday November 12, 2020, to select a new crop of executive members of the Council, an existing factional group within the IPAC body led by Chief Ralphs Okey Nwosu, national chairman of the African Democratic Congress (ADC), has disowned the new executive led by Dr Leonard Nzenwa, describing them as "mere impersonators".

IPAC ELECTS NZENWA, OTHERS AS NEW EXCO

By Celestine Okafor (Publisher/Editor-in-Chief)

After months of internal disagreements and expectations, the Inter-Party Advisory Council (IPAC), the umbrella body of registered political parties in Nigeria, on Thursday November 12, 2020, held its general election which produced Dr Leonard Nzenwa as new national chairman and other elected executive members to pilot the affairs of the body.

IPAC EMBARKS ON LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

By Celestine Okafor (Publisher/Editor-in-Chief)

Amidst unresolved leadership issues within the umbrella body of Nigeria's registered political parties, the Inter-Party Advisory Council (IPAC), acting President of the splinter group of IPAC and founding national chairman of the opposition African Democratic Congress (ADC), Chief Ralphs Okey Nwosu, has revealed that IPAC, under his leadership, is embarking on a comprehensive leadership development drive and strengthening of the organization.

IPAC MOURNS DG NIPSS, PROF. HABU GALADIMA

• * Laments IPAC Has Lost A Dependable Ally In Nation Building

By Celestine Okafor (Editor-in-Chief)@CeleOkaf11

The lnter Party Advisory Council (IPAC) said it received with shock the news of the demise of Prof. Habu Galadima, the Director-General, National Institute for Policy and Strategic Studies (NIPSS), on Sunday 20th December 2020.